Guaranteed to Convert CO2 into Oxygen!

I’ve been wanting a Bird’s Nest Fern for a while now, so I was excited to find this one at City People’s Garden Store yesterday. According to the label, it’s a “Crispy Wave” Fern, but that sounds the description of one of the perms I got as a kid in the late 80s, so I’m gonna stick with Bird’s Nest.

The label touts the superpowers of this plant. For instance, it converts CO2 into oxygen!! Imagine, a mere PLANT with this wacky superpower called “Photosynthesis“! It was previously known only to exist in literally every other plant, algae and cyanobacteria on Earth*, forming the basis for all life on the planet. But hey, let’s act surprised.

Or is it “Crispy Wave Fern”? Or is that the nice lady with the frosted tips who works in the Publix deli?

Label of the Bird's Nest Fern
This plant not only looks cool, it DOES MAGIC. They call it “Photo Synth a Sis” a new filter created by Instagram!


This plant comes from a Canadian company called Aerify. Before I knit-pick the science of their claims about the air-purifying superpowers of the plants, I want to say that the selection of their plants at my local nursery (City People’s Garden Store), they are really lovely plants and very affordable (mine was just $9), so I’m not throwing shade at them [Note: I have no affiliation with this company or with City People’s except as a paying customer.]

However, the data behind their claim of “plants with air-cleaning qualities” is never footnoted or even hinted at. They could at least quote Dr. Plant from The University of The Obvious, saying “Photosynthesis is a cornerstone of Life on Earth!” Or quote Dr. Pepper, Provost of The University of Skimmed Buzzfeed Posts.

The idea that plants essentially are “air Roombas” has become a hot topic in recent years. Most of the “evidence” for this comes from a paper published by NASA scientists (for some reason) well over 30 years ago.

You can tell this was published in the 80s. Not only do they list plants that filter indoor cigarette smoke (a problem in offices, airplanes and I guess Space Shuttles of the time), but also benzine, formaldahyde, and flippin’ RADON GAS.

So, if you happen to live on a literal SuperFund site–just get some ferns or something? #FixedIt!

Going Where No Fern Has Gone Before!

AmateurPro™ Tips: How Not To Kill Your Bird’s Nest Fern (a.k.a. Crispy Wave Fern)

Light? Indirect, moderate-to-low. Pretend this one’s a Gremlin–avoid too much direct light.
Water?Basic Model watering. Err on the side of underwatering, if in doubt.
Fertilize?Maybe once a year or so, diluted. Not in winter.
Superpowers?Thrives on neglect. You can not text it for weeks and then send a one-line “Hey” and your ZZ will totally be fine with it.
Downsides?Technically “toxic” to pets & humans, but not enough to kill either, although it can make pets or humans kinda sick. Most cats are smart enough to not eat them, but dogs & humans may be a different story, so keep them away from any who can’t avoid the temptation of foul-tasting, waxy leaves.