Personally, I like spicy foods, but not the insane spicy stuff that numbs your mouth and causes 24 hours of intestinal agony in which you curse your ancestors for the series of events that lead to the cruel fact of your existence on Earth.
Recently, my spouse, Paul, has taken to watching the bottomless rabbit hole of YouTube videos that revolve around people eating insanely spicy foods. As fin-de-pandemic pastimes go, I suppose it could be worse. I have to admit that I’ve willingly watched more than a few of these.
In the future, I predict that the #1 category of televised entertainment will be “White Dudes Eating Things That Cause Them To Sh*t Blood, Just For the Lulz.” Eating insane levels of spice seems to have something to do with proving hetero-masculinity, I guess?
Let’s face it, what woman doesn’t want to drop her her underpants for a dude about to experience 48 hours of extreme intestinal distress?
Regardless, these YouTube videos get literally millions upon millions of views, and have undoubtedly made spice-eaters a boatload of cash. This baffles me in the way that anthropologists struggle to understand cultures that have been in hermetic isolation on islands or in rain forests.
I imagine these dudes’ moms a cocktail party, when they run into their son’s high school science teacher, Ms. Flahrety.
MS. FLAHRETY: So, what’s your son up to? He was always so talented! I was sure he would become a research scientist, or a doctor, or–
DUDE’S MOM: Oh, well, after Swarthmore, he started a YouTube channel where he eats spicy and/or really gross things.
MS. FLAHRETY: …
DUDE’S MOM: Yes, we’re so proud! He just bought us a vacation home in St. Tropez with the ad revenue.
MS. FLAHREY: I … I need to go re-think all the choices I’ve ever made in life.
aaaaaand SCENE.
Regardless, having seen about 10,000 similar videos in the past months, I somehow felt compelled to try to grow crazy hot peppers in Seattle. Growing them sounds a lot more fun than eating them, and possibly more of a challenge in this climate.
Will Ghost Peppers and Carolina Reapers grow in a pot in the Pacific Northwest? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!
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